by Grace Anders
|New Yorkers can’t be bothered with petty notions of love and romance. Or, can they?--by Mustafa Khayat via Flickr|
I understand that rejection happens all the time. In theory, if you’ve ever dated, you know what I’m talking about. You may reject someone who hits on you, you may chat with someone for twenty minutes and be disappointed when he/she doesn’t ask for your phone number, or you may be rejected after the first date. This last scenario happened to me. And even though I may sound like a whiny teenage girl when I say this — it still really sucks. I know, I shouldn’t take it so personally.
I went on one date with a guy I met quite randomly at a speed dating event. After date one, I wasn’t particularly blown away, but I agreed to a second date. It was a laid back affair at a gourmet pizza and beer place, and then he brought me back to his place to meet his cat. That’s not actually a euphemism for anything — he just owns a cat. As a born and raised dog lover, I should’ve realized it was a deal breaker. (Sorry cat lovers.) And on top of it, there wasn’t the slightest bit of (for lack of a better term) ‘hanky panky’ either.
So this all begs the question: Why was I so offended when I got a text to the effect of “You’re hot and funny, but I’m just not feeling it?” If you read my first post about this date, you’ll know that I wasn’t particularly ‘feeling it’ either. I think it boils down to this — I’ve never actually been rejected before.
I ought to quickly note that the reason I’ve never been rejected is because I am, honestly, quite guarded. I rarely date people, and when I do, I take a long time getting there. I don’t go out with several guys at once, and I don’t have boyfriends that last for only a month or so. And believe it or not, I’ve never gone home with a guy from a bar. I’ve been dumped before, but I’ve never had someone look me up and down and say “no thanks,” which is essentially how I view this rejection.
After going on two dates with someone whom I wasn’t particularly enamored with in the first place, I should, as an adult, not be bothered at all by the fact that he wasn’t interested. After all, I wouldn’t have gone on a third date anyway. And while I likely should’ve experienced rejection in high school, I was too geeky to date – and now I feel like I’m experiencing everything high school students do for the first time as an equally awkward adult.
|I was awkward and didn’t date in high school—by Casual Capture via Flickr|
People in New York tend to do everything later than the rest of the world, and I’m no different. They settle down later, get married later, and have kids later. It’s a busy city. New Yorkers make typical ‘9-to-5ers’ look lazy, and as we climb our way to the top, we can’t be bothered with petty notions of romance and love, at least not before a certain age. The obvious exception is for women whose goal is to marry rich, but alas, I’m probably too old, too focused, and too much of a smartass to take that route.
That’s probably why I was so offended by this rejection. I’ve put a fair amount of time and energy into dating – certainly more than I put into job searching or maintaining my apartment. And yet — I’m still single. Meanwhile, my job is secure and my apartment is clean. And so, I’m starting over. Again.
Honestly, it won’t impact my life too much – I wouldn’t have married a guy with a cat, anyway. So I think I’ll just do the adult thing. I’ll change my Facebook photo to be one where I look exceptionally cute. And hey, if I see him at the next speed dating event, at least I’ll know which table to avoid.