Few people move to New York City thinking that one day they’ll leave for greener pastures (or a bigger apartment). Loving and leaving New York can happen to you, me, your BFF, or that strange guy sitting next to you on the 2 train. It happens every single day. That said, when is it time to leave New York? I have a few thoughts on the subject.
When you don’t have a desire to explore the city anymore.
One great aspect of living in New York is the convenience and ability to explore the undiscovered – there are five huge boroughs out there! When your boss gives you free orchestra seats to Hamilton (or another top Broadway show), and you’d rather binge watch Game of Thrones, you’re probably not taking advantage of all this city offers. (Know that I’m not referring to the occasional lazy day or night because we all need those). What’s more, if you’re not getting all that you expect from NYC, writing that big rent check each month is all the more painful.
When you’re gone more than you’re in New York. (and it’s a choice).
If you find yourself visiting friends outside NYC every chance you get (and not just during summer or holidays), perhaps you’re living in New York solely because you have a job in the city. Unless you specialize in a field that’s unique to NYC, jobs are everywhere, and you can probably secure a job in a different town and save yourself the high cost of housing, groceries, and fancy cocktails.
When a once-in-lifetime opportunity presents itself.
Life is weird in the sense that you can be content and have no plans of moving until a great career opportunity comes into the picture (especially when you’re not looking for it). If a job offer suddenly appears and it’s not in hell, but rather, a place that you might actually enjoy living, you’d almost be silly not to take it or at the very least, consider it. And you’d be incredibly silly not to consider it if you’re fighting to make ends meet in New York. More on that next.
When you’re struggling to get by, and your debt is through the roof.
The cost of living in this city is outrageous, and if you’re living off credit cards because you can’t pay rent, utilities, and general living expenses every month, leaving town could be the sane decision. Paying off debt doesn’t come easy, and moving away from New York could cut your costs in half, or more, and once you’re in the black, you might even be able to save money.
When bad days outnumber good days.
Ask some New Yorkers, and they’ll assure you that bad days in New York are the worst days imaginable, but good days in New York are euphoric and better than the best day anywhere in the world. The truth is we all have bad days in NYC, and realistically, we have bad days everywhere. But, when frustration becomes a daily occurrence, you dread leaving your apartment, and you find yourself always focusing on the negative, that’s a surefire sign that something needs to change. Granted, New Yorkers have to tolerate a whole lot of B.S. to live here, but the fabulousness of life in New York (e.g. having anything and everything at your fingertips, being in the center of a cultural mecca, living where inspiration lies in some form or another on every block, etc.) should override the challenges and annoyances. When that’s not the case, it’s probably time to find a new address.
When living here is severely affecting your mental or physical health.
Studies say that one in five New Yorkers suffers from depression or another mental health disorder. That’s not surprising. Winters are long, dark, and frigid. Apartment life can be isolating. Even though you’re never truly alone in the city, you can feel forlorn and friendless at times because everyone is busy, distracted, and caught up in themselves. It’s called survival. And, NYC is intense, noisy, and crowded, so for introverts, the city is overwhelming and intimidating. All this can take a toll on mental and physical health whether you realize it or not. Only you know when you’ve had all you can take, but my advice is to listen to yourself. Know that when your mind and body are telling you it’s time to leave New York, it’s time.
When you look at the skyline and feel nothing.
No matter how long you’ve lived in New York, that magnificent skyline should be a reminder that you are lucky to live in a city that’s deemed the greatest in the world. When you look up at Lady Chrysler, One World Trade, and the Empire State Building and no longer feel inspired, fortunate, and motivated to take advantage of the countless opportunities that this city affords, then it might be time to move on.
If it is time to leave, remember – New York isn’t going anywhere. Scores of natives and transplants leave and never return, but many come back to visit or find themselves moving back after a much-needed break. NYC has a wonderful way of welcoming anyone and everyone with open arms, whether it’s the first time or the 100th time, and that’s one of the reasons that millions fall in love with New York in the first place. Isn’t it?
Also, becoming a New Yorker, when does it happen? Why I still love living in Manhattan, and Kate loves living in Brooklyn even after a decade.
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Les Legaspi says
Tracy: Another great post! I would never leave New York, as I would never stop reading your blog! How’s that?!
Tracy Kaler says
Hi Les,
Thank you for reading! And for staying in NYC. 🙂
Scott McCulley says
“When you are tired of looking at the Chrysler Building it’s time to leave New York!” Quoted by Tracy Kaler of #tracysnewyorklfe 🙂
Tracy Kaler says
You know it!!!
DNN says
As the”old saying goes “if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere.”
Tracy Kaler says
That is the truth!
James says
I left New York about 6 years ago, because I just couldn’t find work and I found a good job (with a huge pay cut) in Virginia. I miss New York everyday, but your blog is always a nice piece of home for me.
Tracy Kaler says
Hi James,
You can always come visit. New York isn’t going anywhere. 🙂
Angel says
I came across this post because I’m contemplating leaving he Big Apple. I have been unemployed for a year and a half. What a waste of two college degrees. I’m behind on my rent and pretty sure I’m battling depression. Your post sort of confirmed I should leave. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing but I thank you anyways.
Tracy Kaler says
Hi Angel,
We’ve never met but I’m so sad to hear that you’re struggling. I don’t think that a college degree is ever a waste but it probably feels like that at the moment since you’re not working.
Don’t write New York off completely. For someone in fashion, the city offers some of the most exciting opportunities. Perhaps take a break for a year or two but keep it on your radar and maintain contacts. Don’t give up hope!
Andre says
Hey I’m so glad I read your blog! I’m 38 have lived my whole life in NYC and actually hated it since I was a kid. I’d always long for the country, I’d long to hear crickets, walk on grass (sorry Central Park with its frentic joggers is not my definition of nature) I just got a full scholarship to go to law school in Vermont, I want to go but I’m afraid to leave. Any advice?
Tracy Kaler says
Hi Andre!
I say go! If you have a full scholarship, do it. What is the worst thing that will happen? You don’t like Vermont and you come back to NYC. But it sounds like the city isn’t for you…I bet you will enjoy Vermont, if even for a few years. New York isn’t going anywhere. 🙂
Sang Park says
Thank you for your posting. I love New York City. beautiful skyline too. But sometimes I seriously ask myself ‘is this best city to live?’ As you said, there are a lot of pros and cons, so it is not an easy matter to decide. I have loved being ‘Newyorker’ for years and there are still lots of places to explore. But when my steam is gone to explore the city, maybe that is the time to consider to leave New York.
Tracy Kaler says
Hi Sang,
Thanks for your comment. New York is a great city, but it is expensive and competitive. I think many of us lose our steam and think about living elsewhere, but NYC is tough to leave behind, isn’t it? I think every place has pros and cons, and there’s no perfect city. I also think that we’re lucky to have lived here, not matter if it’s for one year or a lifetime. But, if you can and do make the decision to leave and regret it, you can always come back to New York. The city isn’t going anywhere.
Morgan Brinkman says
I’ve never been to New York, but I can say that I would NEVER live there. Just visiting for a few days would be enough.
I have a question, though. If that many of them suffer from depression, why aren’t so many of them leaving? I can understand why the belief that they’re unfriendly may have some truth to it.
With the extreme chaos, expenses, etc. I don’t know how anybody can stay sane there, if I’m honest.